I am nearing the end. I can see the finish line. And now. . let's be honest, I'm terrified. What if something goes wrong?!! What if I can't get him out? I know, I shouldn't even think about it, cause I am just freaking myself out. I am also starting to remember how BAD labor hurts and how difficult and exhausting newborns can be. With Tyler I was nervous of the unknown, but I am wondering if it was better. I was completely naive as to how much pain I would be in, or what real exhaustion was. Plus, how in the world do I take care of TWO kids? How do you grocery shop? There's only so much room in a shopping cart. And what if Tyler hates the baby??
BUT---
Despite my anxiety, I am ready to have him. I am done being pregnant. I am uncomfortable and huge. Most of all, I want my little baby. I want to see him, and hold him, and smell him. I want to watch Tyler bond with him (assuming he doesn't pummel him). I'm excited to have Tim home for a week or so and be together -all four of us.
This pregnancy seems to have flown by, but at the same time it's been very long. I was disgustingly sick in the first few months. The first trimester is always miserable for me. One time, Tim and I were making a 15 minute drive back to my Grandma's cabin from the store and we had to pull over three times! Gross. I've craved cup-a-noodles, ice cream, donuts (oh I love donuts), peanut butter-banana sandwiches, fruit roll ups, and lots of breakfast foods. I've been irritable and more emotional than I was with Tyler (although, for the record, not as grouchy as my sister, Jessi was during her pregnancies. . . ). But now it's all almost over. Only 11 days until my due date! And if everything goes as planned, they are going to start me on the 16th (two days before my due date). At my last doctors appointment I was dilated to a 2, so, as my mom says, I'm a ticking time bomb. My last photo appointment I have scheduled before the baby comes (Jen and Adam's engagements) is this morning so after that I have nothing stopping me (other than Tim's midterms on the 13th . . pray he doesn't decide to come on the 13th). I am ready to have him, although I will miss feeling him move and especially his hiccups. . . Oh yeah, and we finally settled on naming him Jaxon, although we have yet to agree on a middle name. Tyler calls him Jax baby... So maybe the next post you see from me will be a baby announcement . . .let's hope.
5 comments:
I thought the same thing about two kids..."How in the world will I ever be able to leave the house?"...But then I realized almost everything I've done as a mother, I have had to just dive in and learn as I go. Dont ever think something is impossible..it may be very difficult..but not impossible. You'll cry a lot, and you'll think its not worth it sometimes, but you just do it anyway. Love ya, I cant wait to see him and love on him!
I can only imagine the things that are going through your mind. I wish that I were more help, but me not being a mother I have not yet experienced the frustrations and rewards of motherhood. But, I can be here for you to tell you that I see what a good mother you are. I can be a good babysitter or just be a good friend and take you out for a night on the town when you are on the verge of going crazy. :-) I'll come spend some time with you after your first week, when tim's goes back to work.
Carlye, you're a wonderful mom and will do a fabulous job with 2 little guys...I have no doubt about it!
I love the name Jaxon (after all...it's Kamen's middle name!!)
BTW...I love the picture of your belly. I wish I had some tasteful pictures of belly during my pregnancy.
I think that is one of my biggest fears also that Ben will hate his future sibling (once we finally decide to have #2), but I see so many of my friends and their babies really learn to love each other and play with each other. Sometimes the older one will just ignore the baby for a little bit, but then as the weeks go by, they'll start to acknowledge it and eventually want to even start playing with it, and then pretty soon they'll be best friends (wait is that how it worked with our siblings... because that's how it works in my head, haha!). But seriously, don't worry too much because the immediate adjusting period is going to be hard for everyone, but a couple weeks after you're all settled in you're going to be wondering what you were so worried about. You'll learn, and what you don't learn obviously isn't that important.
And I love your pic... you're so good at that :)
Thanks guys. . .I'm sure I'll survive. :-) I didn't know Kamen's middle name was Jaxon, that's cute. The picture was one of many, but it was the only one that turned out remotely okay. I felt very strange taking pictures of myself, but I had just finished shooting another girl's maternity pictures and I wanted some of my own. Hers were much better . . . haha
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